I feel like I should take as many drugs as I can to see when I can finally pass on. Noticably this is when I havent felt the warmth of my guitar within days. Then, I look at Jimi Hendrix Live videos and feel his music and his stage presence - I then say to myself; Thats where I want to be. I want to be on stage and release all my aggression. To not have to worry about what I'm going to do with my life and so on.
My heart isnt burnt out yet, I know what I have to do to get to my promised land. I haven't given up yet.
So in the midst of feeling lonely in some parts of the brain. I've been saying to myself, I feel like I need a daughter to raise. In reality it probably wouldnt be the best; seeing as I still see myself as a kid still sometimes. However, I've been playing with my friends daughters alot lately. Talking to them, enlightening them, etc. I've come to fall in love with them. They are awesome.. When I was younger I hated kids lol (My much more emotional/negative days). Now im picking up.. They are very sweet. There is one that is a spark. Her name is Mackenzie, very very very smart young lady.
She's also very aware of the importance of Money too. She seems to look up to me; Which is good.
Ahh me at the park today. Its greatly flooded. Two people died in the same waters the day before. Its a period of changes.
So much has been on my mind lately. Everyone around me fighting with someone else around me. As much as I try, no one bothers to listen to my reasoning. "Drop the Beef" "Drop the Conflict" "Stop the Hate". I feel they'll all understand soon. As of right now, I suppose people have something to prove. Pride seems to be the key issue around these parts. I'm kept sane by those who encourage me in person and online & Music.
So heres the fill in. I've been sick for the past few days. I have this killer throat pain. Feels like I'm being stabbed in the throat everytime I swallow. Well.. Actually its gotten a little better. Earlier, I was almost wimping due to the torture I was going through. I always keep telling myself; "Take it like a soldier" its like an automatic thing I'm used to. I think it developed due to memories of my father being in the Nation Guard. Kinda random.. I know.. but yeah. Oh and I havent smoked weed in a few days either, as well as drunk alcohol. I feel mentally cleansed. I've been living off of my guitar lately too. Been playing Jimi's wild thing solo over and over and over again.
It's too magical to live without it. Once I get better, I'll post a recording of it. I did a wild thing cover before, but i'm not too happy with it.
Oh and I finally start work soon. April 7th :) :) :).
My friends tell me to save my pay checks so we can go to Vegas in the summer.
I can't help but to think of a new guitar I can buy. A real fucking stratocaster finally. I HATE being tied down by my current guitar. A cheap Squier bullet strat. Oh well.. He sings to me and I sing back blah blah.
Oh yeah I got my drivers license in the mail yesterday. they made new cards, its vertical now. Soooo... yeahhhh...
Ok so im doin' good now. My mood is back to positive as it has been for a while (before earlier and yesterday night (Unexplained)). Turns out I just needed to play my guitar again. I got very angry at it; due to it falling apart. It's a cheap Squire Bullet series Stratocaster by Fender. Only set me back $112. So, anyway.. The other day as I took ecstasy. I started tripping hard. I took my guitar and amp to the laundry room of my appartment complex, I then setup my gear, then I start jamming as loud as I wanted. I was lost - I was gone - I was having sex with my guitar. At the end of it, I threw my guitar at my amp and then stomped on it once. It was my own little sacrifice. I felt I was experiencing what Jimi Hendrix was experiencing (not exactly copying him). My natural showmanship spun out and expressed itself. In other words; "Ecstasy". The day after I was experincing mood swings. Going from joyful to aggrivated. The day after that - I woke up and started wailing away on my strat. THEN, I started feeling excellent. Oh and a alot of help from my friends/nowfamily. THAT was what I needed all along. My guitar was calling me. P.S - Video of this exists, its on my friends cellphone though. He happened to record it as I was tripping out. That, and going back up to his pad with my guitar& in hand, made me feel like a fucking ROCKSTAR. I made alot of people come out and see me do this, and everyone started talking about it. wow.. haha
"ah dah way he": Just now gave it that name. It means "Angel" in Cherokee named after my brother that passed years ago. Who also happened to be a cat.
