The perfect death



A Samurai dies with a Cherry Blossom Tree in sight.

My perfect death would probably be, telling my story through my guitar in a instrumental jam at the end of a concert I'm doing. Marshall amps behind me. I look into the crowd & notice my mom. She looks at me soo proudly. Then as I finish with a slow & haunting version of 'The Breeze and I'. Suddently I faint and slowly lean and fall to the floor backwards, Unconscious. Then I pass away, and once I pass - My guitar randomly dies out. Then bursts into sparks and flames and shit.

People (Including myself)

People are like fucking annoying little insects picking at every little bad thing you mention, and discredit all of the good. Then again people are like beautiful flowers there to care for your weird little stranger self. :)

Baby Sitting

From last Thursday:
My friends asked me to babysit their daughters (Katie, Mackenzie, & Lindzi) till Sunday. It is now apparently Thursday. (3am). I showed them some new aspects of life. Like being outside more - Less staying inside watching TV or games on the computer. This sense of responsibility isnt quite new to me. Just a bit .. well.. new.

My children

I feel I can think proper now raw to the heart. I can honestly say the reason I love spending time with children is because I've hated my childhood since the beginning. Had no siblings to keep me company. One parent, who worked and couldnt show me enough attention. Broken home in general. So, I feel I have a duty to watch out for later generations so they can feel happy growing up and less depressed as I once were.

All in all, is strange as I once hated children lol

Update

Welll, wellll, welll... Im back to writing it seems. Alot has been going on in my story. Where do I even start? Haha.. Well first of all; I entered that yearly King of the Blues competiton at Guitar Center. Luckily I was picked to go last. Sitting there with my preperformance-anxiety watching the other players go to work, made me feel like a beast just waiting to break out of its cage. There, my turn came. I walked to the stage like I was on a mission (just a lil' nervous). The announcer letting everyone know that I go to the store and practice 6hours a day and what not. I make sure the $1200 mexican Strat I borrowed from the store is tuned & then I play with feedback. Making sure everyone was aware of my Jimi Hendrix inspiration. Then the music starts and I let my spirit soar. I struggled with the strap and consentration. I cover up using the whammy bar and so on. I jump off stage and place the guitar on the judges table. I soon leave after that without hearing the scores. It was beautiful - It was Rock n Roll. I went back to practice a few days later and my friend Mike Parisi tells me that I finished in third place. Just one point and I'd be second place. I'm proud of myself.

Me and a group of my friends go to the river/park for BBQ and in remembrance of our friend Stimey who got arrested for violating his parole. My brother Ryan decides to go off the rope swings from the tree. Later he comes back being carried by another friend of mine; Ricki. He complains about his back hurting and he can't move well. Till the point my friend Johnny claims he has to go to the hospital. - Later on the day, me and a drunk friend of mine get into an argument. Well, I wasnt saying anything. He was drunk and thought I was being offensive. I get threatened and I let him hear what he wants to hear "You're right, You're right..." and walk off. We havent talked since then haha. That night, I visit the hospital where my brother Ryan is located. Coincedently, my mother works at the same hospital. Apparently, he fractured his spine. His (12th) Verebrate.

Now days peace is filling the air slowly. Trying to get my amp out of the pawn shop. Planning on ways to get my dream guitar. I decided to name "Katie". Dedicated to Katie oldest daughter of Janelle Martir-Cortes. Who reminds me of myself when I was about her age (12).

One with Nature

I'm still alive.. And the wind has forgotten about me. It protects my brother Ryan. I need change, so I can have the wind guide me again.

B    Urself.

Right Path/Wrong Path

I feel like I should take as many drugs as I can to see when I can finally pass on. Noticably this is when I havent felt the warmth of my guitar within days. Then, I look at Jimi Hendrix Live videos and feel his music and his stage presence - I then say to myself; Thats where I want to be. I want to be on stage and release all my aggression. To not have to worry about what I'm going to do with my life and so on.

My heart isnt burnt out yet, I know what I have to do to get to my promised land. I haven't given up yet.

Daughter

So in the midst of feeling lonely in some parts of the brain. I've been saying to myself, I feel like I need a daughter to raise. In reality it probably wouldnt be the best; seeing as I still see myself as a kid still sometimes. However, I've been playing with my friends daughters alot lately. Talking to them, enlightening them, etc. I've come to fall in love with them. They are awesome.. When I was younger I hated kids lol (My much more emotional/negative days). Now im picking up.. They are very sweet. There is one that is a spark. Her name is Mackenzie, very very very smart young lady.

She's also very aware of the importance of Money too. She seems to look up to me; Which is good.

Peace

Ahh me at the park today. Its greatly flooded. Two people died in the same waters the day before. Its a period of changes.

So much has been on my mind lately. Everyone around me fighting with someone else around me. As much as I try, no one bothers to listen to my reasoning. "Drop the Beef" "Drop the Conflict" "Stop the Hate". I feel they'll all understand soon. As of right now, I suppose people have something to prove. Pride seems to be the key issue around these parts. I'm kept sane by those who encourage me in person and online & Music.

Wild Thing

After searching through youtube quickly after my last post. I came across some shit I have NEVER heard before. 

Well technically I've heard this before, not exactly this version.

It seems to be the same recording as this one:

Now.. I've waited a while to hear the actual recording of this wild thing version. & Now I have.. and I'm in love all over again!

I'm still confused if its from Clark University, or Winterland.

Sickness/Work/Money/DriversLicense

So heres the fill in. I've been sick for the past few days. I have this killer throat pain. Feels like I'm being stabbed in the throat everytime I swallow. Well.. Actually its gotten a little better. Earlier, I was almost wimping due to the torture I was going through. I always keep telling myself; "Take it like a soldier" its like an automatic thing I'm used to. I think it developed due to memories of my father being in the Nation Guard. Kinda random.. I know.. but yeah. Oh and I havent smoked weed in a few days either, as well as drunk alcohol. I feel mentally cleansed. I've been living off of my guitar lately too. Been playing Jimi's wild thing solo over and over and over again.

It's too magical to live without it. Once I get better, I'll post a recording of it. I did a wild thing cover before, but i'm not too happy with it.

Oh and I finally start work soon. April 7th :) :) :).

My friends tell me to save my pay checks so we can go to Vegas in the summer.

I can't help but to think of a new guitar I can buy. A real fucking stratocaster finally. I HATE being tied down by my current guitar. A cheap Squier bullet strat. Oh well.. He sings to me and I sing back blah blah.

Oh yeah I got my drivers license in the mail yesterday. they made new cards, its vertical now. Soooo... yeahhhh...

Crazy lastnight

I can't breathe.

Oh and lastnight I was molested by a dog & I'm a bush diver.

Rebuilt

Ok so im doin' good now. My mood is back to positive as it has been for a while (before earlier and yesterday night (Unexplained)). Turns out I just needed to play my guitar again. I got very angry at it; due to it falling apart. It's a cheap Squire Bullet series Stratocaster by Fender. Only set me back $112. So, anyway.. The other day as I took ecstasy. I started tripping hard. I took my guitar and amp to the laundry room of my appartment complex, I then setup my gear, then I start jamming as loud as I wanted. I was lost - I was gone - I was having sex with my guitar. At the end of it, I threw my guitar at my amp and then stomped on it once. It was my own little sacrifice. I felt I was experiencing what Jimi Hendrix was experiencing (not exactly copying him). My natural showmanship spun out and expressed itself. In other words; "Ecstasy". The day after I was experincing mood swings. Going from joyful to aggrivated. The day after that - I woke up and started wailing away on my strat. THEN, I started feeling excellent. Oh and a alot of help from my friends/nowfamily. THAT was what I needed all along. My guitar was calling me.
P.S - Video of this exists, its on my friends cellphone though. He happened to record it as I was tripping out. That, and going back up to his pad with my guitar&amp in hand, made me feel like a fucking ROCKSTAR. I made alot of people come out and see me do this, and everyone started talking about it. wow.. haha

"ah dah way he": Just now gave it that name. It means "Angel" in Cherokee named after my brother that passed years ago. Who also happened to be a cat.

He meant alot to me.

Trouble

So the other night I took some ecstasy for the first time. Since then I've been feeling really moody. As of right now, I think I may be in trouble. I'm going through some things, I feel as if im heading down the wrong road. I feel like I can't tell anyone either. I'm kinda scared. Maybe I'm just freaking out as I've just waken up.. But I dont know.

By the drop

Hmmm... got really drunk lastnight with my brother (Ryan), walked from his grandpa's house, walked down a side street for the adventure we may find, and turns up we find an opened garage, ryan goes in and pulls out a bottle of brandy. We drank all the way back home.
I wake up this morning hang over - free. :)

Scariest quote I've ever heard:

"Some people go their entire lives without finding love."

Distractions keep me occupied.

(X) Music

(X) Guitars

(X) Mary Jane

(X) Characters I run into or simply interact with every other day.

(X) Animals

Flaws

I try not to give too much attention to those who already receive enough of it. You can call it one of my flaws (letting other people stop me from getting what I desire). I wonder if its something I should change immediately or just not worry about it right now.

Oh and that is a picture of a drop-fountain-thing in a bar during my trip to Thunder Valley Casino

I'm sitting here at 12:47am drinking this caramel frappicino or however you spell it, from Starbucks (AKAnothingdifferentthanpotdispensaries); Listening to a bunch of Jimi Hendrix recordings. Ones in which I've listened to a thousand times before. Thats how you know you're a good artist if someone can keep listening to your music like this. FUck this shit is good, im getting twitchy too. Mushahaha

Stuck listening to this version of Hey Joe all night. I can't get over the fact he pretty much lets everyone know what was going on at the time.

a little after 3:39 he's like "aint nobody gonna fuck with me either". I suppose he's speaking about the mafia scene and michael jefferies, etc. Then at 3:55 he says his actual final goodbye so exaustingly. It's haunting..

Peace / No Peace

I've been noticing this fasination of throwing up the Peace sign lately. People have been representing the sign of peace for looks, to modernly-reglamourize the 60's. They obsessively show the image of peace, but they act like stuck up models. As if they are a model of the 60's hippies. I could just be rrambling as I just woke up, but its been on my mind lately. When I say peace, I really mean it. No stylized image of it, I mean it to the nitty gritty.

PEACE.

Artists

I came across this website from a friends facebook page.

http://www.vangoghcomplex.com/default.html

Such an amazing site to look at. It's all art.. its all beauty from the "diseased" minds of wonderful people.

Haha, I love it. I fit right in with people like this.

I'm like a kid in a candy store when finding a group of people like my self. I've been feeling like I've been alone for so long, that its easy to understand why.

Here's a few of my favorites drawn by artists from the website.

 

Earth Goddess by: Kailey Josen

Mannequin and Cylinder by: Ashton Graves Sorrels

& I'm not quite sure what this one is called, but I can't help but admire the detail.

by: Chris Cromartie

Pain, Substitution, Music scene

Hello self..

I am back writing, woo hoo!

I am in so much pain I can't stand up without support, can hardly, and all other kinds of limitations are abroad. I've been playing basketball alot lately. You see, well I 'aquired' a basketball hoop last week. I didnt actually just aquire it. I stole it.. It was for the good though. I have this 'communist/socialist/hero-ist-type' of thinking; Where if someone isnt using something that the youth could use, then the youth should be able to use it. Spreading the Wealth. I took the hoop for the kids of my apt complex. River Terrace Appartments, is possibly the lamest place you could live. It literally has nothing for the youngsters, nor does it have anything for people my age. So I saw this basketball hoop sitting on a drive way that I see all the time when playing at the local school, started walking home after a game, stopped by the drive way, then a friend of mine dumped the water out as I carried the entire basketball hoop on my back to the appartment complex. This thing was heavy as fuck - However my dedication withstood it.

Anyway, moving on lad..

Mary Jane and music have been my substitution for women long enough. I believe im starting to come back to the senses that I really do need a girl by my side. Idk..

I've found another music opportunity. My friend, Ryan - picked up this card when he went down to the Downtown Mall the other day. Its this card from this new indie/modern hipster store called 'Zuhg Life'. I might be able to play live in front of the store. It also definitely looks like a new chill spot. I peaked inside of the store long after it was closed on one of my late night strolls to downtown a a little while back. The first thing I've come to see was this Jimi Hendrix poster they had on display on the wall. I will definitely be going back my niggaaazzz.

Oh I might need to get a new guitar soon. My beat up Fender Squire Stratocaster Bullet is falling apart. The bypass keeps cutting off, the pickups aren't screwed in correctly, and I can't put them back in because they'll be touching the strings.. UGHHH.. I can't wait till this new job starts, first thing I buy WILL be a new guitar. Open up some credit and rent to own my dream American Standard Stratocaster, or perhaps just buy out a epiphone SG or Gibson SG for $300 from Guitar Center. Ahhh!!

Night Life

So I was here in Downtown Sacramento, CA. Born here and have been here for my life time so far. The downtown area though; Opens new discoveries. It's pretty big (big enough for me) I suppose.

It's my own little N.Y. City or L.A..

^The Beat (My favorite record shop) Came here all the time when I DJ'd.

The drama is amusing, really all I'll say. I'm sitting here waiting for my coffee to cool, and friends and I - Go on this roadtrip to the Casinos. Welp, my coffee should be done, and I'm sure my friends are waiting for me -- so it's time to make some "Mu-Lah".

Porn is Art 2

I've been studying the works of Pornography :D & It's far more artistic than the usual person knows. It's a very intimate, emotional, expressive art. It combines two individuals and connect their energies together to create a greater energy. Why, its shunned by the public is beyond my understanding. I'm aware of the "unappropriate-ness".. But really? Be mature.

Been a minute since I've last written. I'm feeling well, & independent today. I've been smoking pot all day everyday this past week or two. Before I continue that - Let me explain how I came to get so much marijuana. A friend and I found an abandoned motorcycle. Pretty new in fact.. It had only one tire so we carried it as much as we could to my friends house. The next day it was sold to another friend. In exchange we received a vial of Hash Oil, equaling up to a pound of shake, & 25 Grams of green. I think I've been smoking too much (first time it actually fits). I plan on taking a break sometime in august when moving to Ukiah. I have to make it out of the summer alive. This will be the craziest summer I've ever had. I almsot do not plan on making it out alive, but I have to. Oh, I finally found employment too. Clean up crew @ Raley's Field. Training day starts on March 12th. I'm happy and I can finally relax a tad. I've been getting better at my scale-work on guitar. I'm starting to really get the hang of the blues scales. I've gotten the Minor Penatonic Scale down by heart now. Took a while.. but yeah I got it.

Valentines Day was yesterday.. Will be honest. Didnt have a valentine, but thats fine. I'm kinda used to it haha.. Well my guitar was my valentines :( :).

My first guitar

My Mitchell acoustic guitar. I took this picture of it because of the drawings on it. I randomly just started drawing these images out of sheer boredness at a friends house. It tells stories all over it.

Sound Painting

I'm liking this whole thing I thought up, (I'm aware that others probably have came up with it before me) "Sound Painting". Thats all I really think of when I play my guitar anyway. Pictures, films, past/present feelings/emotions, bunched together. I improvise it all, it is all a random drawing of mine.

After doing some too late research, apparently "Sound Painting" is already taken. Oh well, I'll just add to the Dictionary -- That "Sound Painting" is also imagery drawn with your guitar (or etc).

I like to draw sounds. And hang them on my balls.

Ukiah

So, I guess I'll be moving up to Ukiah, CA.

Approximately this summer. I'm stoked/excited/crazed for this trip. Unfortunately, I'll be chopping down trees for a living. However, its good pay and I need to start saving for my new musical instruments and my way of travel. I will be paying tribute to the trees I decimate.

On the brighter side of it. Look at these pictures a friend of mine took while he was there (Originally he's from there).

I believe this will recover much needed peace-time I have lost; while being lost.

I'm really looking forward to this.

Change of Direction

I wanted to be a soldier on frontlines so I could die,

Now I want to be a Guitarist on stage so I can fly.

Another Character

So lastnight was interesting. My downstairs neighbor is really cool. Shes a wild type (Or used to be) She picked a friend and I up outside of our apts.  Then we rolled a few blunts while driving ALL around town, until about 2am. She told us a few crazy stories she's been through. Like falling asleep behind the wheel going at about 70 mph on the freeway, landing in a corn field in the middle of nowhere, being stuck out there and etc. Now, ofcourse I dont think putting yourself in that type of danger is cool. However, it makes an interesting story haha. Good thing she doesnt get that type of fucked up anymore since she has kids now and ofcourse for her safety. Totally amazing man!

Oh and the reason I titled this post 'Another Character' is because I like to meet different people occasionally and have them tell stories about themselves. It's like a movie or video game in a sense.

Travel Downside

I've been looking to the sky for my future movements. The wind pushing the clouds, keeps telling me to head South East. There rests something I've been waiting for; for a while now. I dont know though.. I'm aware I started this blog to express my deepest thoughts, I'm just slightly confused :S Or so I say.

Smile

My first time actually admitting this (even to myself). I usually smile to please others; not myself, when talking with someone. Only something/someone I can relate too will really make me smile. It's not because I'm "Constantly Depressed"-- but because many people I encounter have nothing interesting.

Anoushka Shankar

Hi, I'm sitting here wondering about my future. I'm about to head to the gym (If nothing else catches my short attention first.) I've been listening to Ravi Shankar lately. So naturally I've ran into his daughter (Also an artist) and she immediately caught my attention. She's so beautiful and captivating.

Learn more about her here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anoushka_Shankar

I've watched a performance she did with her father, and then another one; A violin duet with an artist by the name of Joshua Bell.

I love this music. :)

Ahh Hmmm :)

Well a few changes of events and my mood is better. I feel energetically correct haha. Friendships aren't feeling drought-like & my social life gets healthier. Learned a few new things about Chinese Philosophy from a friends' blog. The Tao Te Ching.

"The Tao Te Ching or Dao De Jing, whose authorship has

been attributed to Laozi, is a Chinese classic text. Its name comes from the opening words of its two sections: dào "way," Chapter 1, and dé "virtue," Chapter 38, plus  jīng "classic." According to tradition, it was written around the 6th century BC by the sage Laozi (or Lao Tzu, "Old Master"), a record-keeper at the Zhou Dynasty court, by whose name the text is known in China.^"

Oh I also happened to search for art-work; in the painting department (Figure of Speech). I came across a freakin' amazing piece; By Karen Winters (KarenWinters.com). Something that reminds me of what I've always dreamed of my home looking like.

She's got alot of goodies to share. I wish I could paint like this, but I guess I'll just paint in sounds, which is good enough for me.

;)

Emotions Transmissions

So a series of bottled up emotions have come out in what strings I have left on my guitar. Only.. I didnt use the strings, I used the whammy bar and some feedback. I call this Alien Transmissions. My mental escape into the cosmos.

Alone

So I've been feeling down lately. Felt as if I'm not being involved enough into anything. Feeling quite alone. My second string broke on my guitar, and so then I won't be able to get my emotions out. Just felt I outta' be expressing my emotions somewhere, this be it. I really think I'm just thinking too much(as always). Uhhh.. I guess I will try and make this day better than they have been lately. Oh, I did have dinner with friends/family and I guess I am apart of a family more so than before. Just doesn't seem enough though. I want my music, I want to be surrounded by my music-- No one elses.

2011

So.. Here it is.. The year 2011. I will be 21 years old in June.

Anyway, Yo! My name is Kevin Gomez (Born June 4th 1990 to Lerlene Higgs and Kevin Underdue) and I'm another person who wants to express themselves in a way such as this. An online journal in a sense, actually. I'm a really quiet person in person (sometimes, unless I'm comfortable around someone). I've been known as a quiet kid my entire life though. I guess this is one of my limited(?) ways I can communicate with people.

Music, however would be my number one way to communicate. I still haven't gotten the full hang of Guitar yet (incase you haven't noticed I play it), I'm still trying though. Intentionally i've been quite lazy regarding the guitar, I don't like to work when expressing myself. I've been playing for about 2 years now, I feel; at times that maybe I'm lacking the talent or time to get serious with this. Then again I doubt alot about myself.

I get alot of compliments on my playing, but I can't get past the doubting. I know, I know.. Problems haha.. But ok anyway, more about myself. I am a deep, emotional person -- I try and find the beauty in everything and therefore makes it hard for me to attack virtually anything. I'm heavily into astronomy, Science in general, Multi-Culturalism, philosophy, arts, women, etc. I'm not much of a ladies man, but I love women. ;)

Enough about me, can't wait to see/hear from you guys who ever is out there! Family, not Followers.